Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
worst night to have a conscience
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm both gender and math confused
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
