In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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