I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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