So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
