'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
