Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
