dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
