in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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