i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
