i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
