That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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