So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am spending my child support on dildos
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
