I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
