Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
