I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
