from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
