i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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