I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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