I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
