how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
