I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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