Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
