I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
