Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
