dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
