This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
