bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
