I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
