I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
