Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
