when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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