Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
