So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
