Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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