Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Drake has all the answers
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
