I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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