I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
