How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
