hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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