Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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