the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
