The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
