She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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