I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
