Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
