im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
