We won't sleep together?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
