I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
