I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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