I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
