She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
