He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
