I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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