GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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